~ Idiot Olympic Questions ~

17 August 2000

i got this on the email from my dad… funny…:
Idiot Olympic Questions
(Some are TOO idiot that they don’t deserve an answer!!)

Here are some of the classic questions that were asked
of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site,
and answers supplied where appropriate.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never
seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who
asked this question, who themselves will need watering
if their IQ drops any lower…

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you’ve consumed…

Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or
Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my
eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics
are being held in Sydney.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow
the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, so you’ll
need to have started about a year ago to get there in
time for this October…

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?
A: And accomplish what?

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and
addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.
A: I’m not touching this one…

Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into
Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
A: Why? We do have toilet paper here…

Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey
Bay? (UK)

Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia?

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us…

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.

Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples’
garages, and most national parks…

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde…

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the
female population is smaller than the male population?
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we’ll see what we can do when you get

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing
in Australia? (USA)
A: What’s this guy smoking, and where do I get some?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk
available all year round? (Germany)
A: Another blonde?

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who
can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one…there are no rattlesnakes in

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule?
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble
distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in
Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear
and lives in trees. (USA)

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain
of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in
Australia? (USA)
A: From Liz Taylor, perhaps?

Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make
love outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to
contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings
Cross. Can you help? (USA)

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.