expiration date 

Here are some of the classic questions that were asked
of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site,
and answers supplied where appropriate.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never
seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who
asked this question, who themselves will need watering
if their IQ drops any lower…

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you’ve consumed…

Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or
Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my
eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics
are being held in Sydney.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow
the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, so you’ll
need to have started about a year ago to get there in
time for this October…

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?
(Sweden)
A: And accomplish what?

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and
addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.
(Italy)
A: I’m not touching this one…

Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into
Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
A: Why? We do have toilet paper here…

Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey
Bay? (UK)

Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia?
(Portugal)

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us…

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.

Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples’
garages, and most national parks…

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde…

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the
female population is smaller than the male population?
(Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we’ll see what we can do when you get
here.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing
in Australia? (USA)
A: What’s this guy smoking, and where do I get some?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk
available all year round? (Germany)
A: Another blonde?

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who
can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one…there are no rattlesnakes in
Australia.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule?
(USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble
distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in
Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear
and lives in trees. (USA)

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain
of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in
Australia? (USA)
A: From Liz Taylor, perhaps?

Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make
love outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to
contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings
Cross. Can you help? (USA)